I was married to an abusive man and divorced him with barely any fight also. He just didn’t want me to leave, but didn’t recognize that he left me no alternative. The harder he fought to keep me (beatings, verbal abuse, criticisms, etc.), the less I wanted to stay, much less keep our daughter in this environment. His parting words were, you’ll never make more than $150 dollars a week and you can’t survive on that. So, my first job netted me $650 a month and my second job netted me $1900 a month which moved up to $3000/month with promotions, etc. It got to the point where all my bills were paid off and I had some money saved…

And then, my bank account was frozen because my ex hadn’t filed taxes for the last 5 years we were married (I signed the forms but he never sent them in). I couldn’t pay for day care, couldn’t pay for groceries or rent. So, it turns out that it was the IRS who froze my bank account and we had over $50k of back taxes along with penalties and interest to pay. I had to take cash advances out on my credit cards, and then make arrangements to pay them back which took years and years.

Because of the cash advances and I couldn’t keep up with the large payments and interest, I eventually had to file for bankruptcy (this was 5 years after the divorce was final). I struggled to keep form doing that and even went to the people who were supposed to help keep it from happening, but they refused to help me because they said I didn’t want to keep from going into bankruptcy badly enough, which was not true. I just had no other options.

So, the IRS came after me because he had no money to speak of–he was an apartment manager. The only good thing is that it finished up the last tie I had to him. The bad thing is that I had to file for bankruptcy and ruined my credit for many years. However, what goes around comes around…he’s dying of COPD from smoking and I’m still alive and kicking.

I’ ve been married to a wonderful man for 8+ years. I was single for 12 years before that while I got to know myself again, figured out why I needed to have someone abusive in my life, and figuring out how to find a good man to love. It worked, and I’m happy. My daughter is a strong woman now and going to college to be a photojournalist. She’s a great kid, in spite of what her dad was like. We both survived…which is a great thing.

So, I’m sure it is all going to work out for you. Don’t worry. There are going to be times it will seem incredibly hard, but it will get easier. Your kids will give you a hard time, but that’s their job and all you can do it be there mom. Your ex will figure out how much better your life is without him and he’ll try to come back to you…don’t do it. There may even be a time or times when you’ll think back to when you first married him and it will look good, but don’t look back. Look ahead to all you have accomplished and done, especially since you became FREE! You’ll see how much better off you are. Even though it was a bad marriage, you’re better off without any marriage than being in a bad marriage. You’ve grown stronger and you’re more aware now.

Figure out what kind of person you want in your life…check to see what kind of girlfriend’s you have, then see if you can find a guy friend with those same characteristics and you’ll find the perfect man for you! If you can find a man friend, you will also find a man who can be not only your friend but your partner as well. That’s what kind of man you want in your life.

Hugs,
Jet