This post was prompted by Ray Garton’s post here, and written Friday morning. ‘Cuz I have posts scheduled for November, I’m squeezing it in now.

So, thing is, I’m fat.

I believe I’ve said this before, not that it matters particularly if I did. My point is, I’ve gone beyond curves in the last five years, and straight into cyclical, emotional eating. I have that, and genetics against me. Thankfully I can kick the most of the emotional part out of my life (and having done so, since Thanksgiving I’ve lost eight pounds!) and counseling will help as well. BUT…

I will never, ever see the lower side of 180 again. I weighed 190-ish give or take five pounds either way, when they weighed me in as I was admitted to the hospital, in labor with C. That was 16 years ago. 20 years ago, around this time, I weighed 133 pounds – right in the sweet spot for someone my height. The doc threatened to put me in the hospital, because my blood pressure, stats, and appearance were that bad. Never mind three marriage proposals (one of which I accepted, hence Rhia and Care…) and one guy telling me how much I looked like a younger Elizabeth Taylor. Yes I still think wtf? when I remember that… but anyway. Doc was right, without the make up and dressy clothes, I looked horrible. Big black saggy bags under my eyes, skin doing weird things, bruising constantly… it was bad.

I was my healthiest around 180-ish. I’m aiming for that as a long-term goal, but right now, my weight-loss partner and I are working on our goal of 10-15 pounds between Oct.15 and Christmas. We might get there.

Ray mentioned in his post that he didn’t recognize Eliza Dushku on Big Bang the other night. Truth be told, I didn’t either. It wasn’t until she spoke that I knew – her sexy voice is recognizable pretty much anywhere – but her body, not so much. Where is the woman that played Faith? Tru? Echo? Where is the skinny, but curvy hawt woman that once was? Same goes for Sara Rue, and Toni Collette.

Time was, and it wasn’t that long ago, that women with larger figures were loved because of their curves, not despite them. There is absolutely everything hot about Brooke Elliott, Liza Snyder, Joy Nash, Mia Tyler, Camryn Manheim, Melissa McCarthy…need I go on?

I still want to be Liza Snyder… I digress.

R.’s been saying she needs to lose weight. That girl is skinny, and she’s bony in several places. She’s maybe five pounds over “chart” weight. Maybe. She’s not as skinny as some of her classmates, or the models and actresses on TV, and she thinks she needs to be, to fit into that perfect grad dress. Silly girl. That perfect dress is going to be the purple one that fits the girl, not the one the girl needs to fit. Get it? Good. R – Mariska Hargitay is not skinny-model-”perfect” and neither was her mom. Curves, hon. Curves.

So what is the perfect weight then? Who knows… There’s what the docs say, and then there’s what your health says. If you weigh what the “chart” tells you you should weigh, but you’re deathly ill and look horrible – is that the perfect weight? I don’t think so.

I’m aiming for normal blood pressure, normal stats, and getting back to 40-36-44.