Four turn offs.

That’s a big subject, because the turn offs could be from several different areas… not just the one that everyone’s dirty mind goes to right away. That’s right. I know you’re all here in the gutter with me, I can tell. It’s getting damn crowded.

I’m going to list the number one from every aspect I can think of, just to cover everyone’s tastes, and keep myself from going too far into the TMI zone.

4) Biggest Turn Off in any and all slush (reading): first or omniscient-to-first person, present tense. It’s trash, it’s garbage and really no one can do it well. I’ve never once – NOT ONCE – read one that’ll change my mind. Particularly omniscient-to-first person/present. “You run around the room, you trip, you cut your hands. You look at your hands, you realize you’re bleeding” needs to be put in its place and put away. Preferably burned at the stake and the ashes spread far and wide. Seriously. Even as a writing exercise, it should be halted and students everywhere told never ever to do it again.

3) Biggest Turn Off in the meeting of new people: Being dismissed with the look that tells me the person thinks I’m an idiot.

I don’t talk a lot right away, and don’t maintain eye contact. People often think I’m being a snotty-arsed snob, and then don’t ask me to chats, or the like (or in the non-internet world, coffee, etc.). Or they think I’m not smart enough to deal with.

I’m not purposely doing this, believe me. It’s because I have a difficult time looking people in the eye unless I know them well, and I am ridiculously shy in ‘real life.’ Ask Louise or any of the bunch that used to chat (maybe still do?) on Skype after The Funky Werepig. I was there, sometimes. I rarely spoke. Even when it was just Louise, Greg and I – I found it hard to extend myself in the discussions.

Case in point – I’ve known my grove-folks for over a decade now. We’re fairly regular coffee/chatters. Thing is – I still have shyness issues around them. Go figure. Anyway, after one open event we held, I had a woman tell me I had the coldest aura she’d ever felt. She didn’t know it was me she was talking to…I’d used my real name rather than my craft name at the event. When I told her Jodi Lee was/is ierne, she told me I was totally different in the chatroom than I was in person.

I’ve only been nearly completely comfortable with one person other than my daughters, and even then there were times I wasn’t able to just ‘let go’ and be me. *shrug*

2) Biggest Turn Off in food: Foods served without any form of warning or hint at what it is… I’m all for trying new foods and such, but if I’m not warned that the roast beast is mutton drenched in fat, I’m going to toss it back up at you pretty damn quickly. There are just some foods that I can not stomach, and I do need to be warned. I will go to dinner parties and actually not eat if I don’t know what something is. It’s not that I’m intentionally being rude, it’s that I have this odd gag reflex that uh…causes power-puke. Seriously.

1) Biggest Turn Off in sex: Finally down to the good stuff… girls, please stop reading here and go do your chores. Thanks.

Wetting the bed.

That’s right. I said wetting the bed. I desperately want to go into details because twenty years later I find it hilarious, but… I won’t. Suffice to say I was still awake and right beside him, he was sleeping and he wet the freaking bed. I’ve never thought of him as the hottest guy in school again. I literally stole a car (my friend’s, she understood later) to get the hell away from him and get home to shower.

Runner up is having someone else’s name.. well, from what I understand a lot of us have been in that position before. I’m still pretty sure that while the first and last part of my name and hers are similar, ‘od’ and ‘ul’ are two different sounds.

I think I’ve done enough to make everyone uncomfortable for one day… see you next week. Mwahahaha…