This week’s challenge was to decide whether we’d found ourselves, our soul-compass, yet, and what we would call into our lives to round it out; we were also asked to think about what our 80-year-old self would write in a letter to our present selves. Finally, we were to look at our present selves to see in what ways we’re a goddess. A lot of stuff for one week, and it’s taken two for me to work it all out.

I like to think I have my compass, that I’ve found my self… I enjoy spending time with the girls and friends, it feels like where I’m supposed to be. While my job doesn’t pay well, it is rewarding, and I enjoy it immensely, most days. I look at where I am now, and while it’s not where the 16 year old envisioned the omg-I’m-almost-40 me being, it’s better than where I could be. A lot better. I could be where I was a while back. Disillusioned and allowing bad habits to prevail.

We’re at a critical point with Belfire, approaching the end of our sophomore year and looking ahead to some tough times. We’ve made temporary changes to help see us through the economic crisis, but we’re also down a lot of support staff. That means I’m juggling a lot of hats, and it leaves little time for pretty much anything else. Busy is better than stagnant, though, so a bit of freelance work called into my life wouldn’t go amiss. Neither would more time with the group, we need to get our studies back on track.

My 80-year-old self would look back on this time and want to warn me to stop and listen to my heart and my instincts. Listen to G. and (I hate admitting this) J.S. when they told me I should watch where I placed my trust, that I was trusting people that were doing little more than slapping me down. Instincts are the fight or flight trigger, after all. Fight? No. I should have walked away. Sometimes flight is the better option. I think, had I received such a letter, it would have done me a world of good, and perhaps I’d not have let others step on me and my work/talents (such as they are).

Out of necessity, I’ve had to become a goddess of multi-tasking. My Belfire requirements include a lot of editing, a lot of cover work, a lot of promotional work and a lot of communication with the Belfire-family; my own family needs me, as well as my group. My own work, my writing, has taken a different path this year-I’m working on my non-fiction a lot more, coming full circle to where I started all those years ago. Thankfully I have an editor who respects me and the ‘I’ll do this for you, if you do this for me’ platform. It’s wonderful to have that critique, that person to share with, someone who knows the material and where I want it to go. It’s been a long time, and I’ve certainly missed it.

Basically, I’ve found I was actually happy in days past, and I am happy now.

<|:-)