Anyone who visits this blog on a regular basis knows I’m not christian, but may not know that until the age of 12, I was relatively ‘churchy.’ I attended Sunday School and Vacation Bible School, I could repeat a handful of verses, prayers and psalms when asked. And then things changed, as they do.

I sometimes think I may have broken my grandmother’s heart just a little the first time I questioned the bible. Not for the question itself, but because I’d taken a few steps onto the road less travelled (snerk). My question was simply where did Cain go, after he was cast out. In her memory of her mother’s bible, it stated that Cain went into the east, and married of the daughters of men. You see how that would have raised more questions than answered, yes? Soon those questions were followed with why we were celebrating the birth of a baby in December, when the story makes it out to have happened later, like January or February. That’s the first time she explained a concept of what I came to understand as cultural theft. There were other bits and pieces over the years, but that one is the one we came back to.

Every year thereafter, she and I had a ‘discussion’ about Christmas trees versus Yule trees, and whether or not the Druids and pagans would have actually adorned trees, and yada yada yada. It became our thing.

I don’t think my choice in religion surprised her in the end, nor did it inspire the zealot in her as it did in some. Her only concerns were that I would be happy, and that I would still celebrate Christmas and Easter with her. I missed a few Easters, but only one Christmas.

It’s been 10 years since Grandma Shirley succumbed to Alzheimer’s. This will also be not only the first Christmas without my mother, but the six month anniversary of her death. I have done as my grandmother asked, and I saw it through these last years with my mom, for Gran’s sake. Since 1994, I’ve not wanted to celebrate it at all, for various reasons, but kept my promise to Gran. I think, given everything, she’ll understand my decision.

This is the last Christmas I will celebrate. Now, I can move forward and celebrate as only I wish to, and with whom I wish. Yule, Midwinter’s Eve, Solstice; I will celebrate this season with my girls and Glas Celli. It’s time to continue to move forward and put past difficulties to rest. It is done.

Blessed be, and Blessed Yule.

<3 JL